im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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