We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize