I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
