took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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