The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
