I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you bring me the toilet please
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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