And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
