he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
