Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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