good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I pour the whiskey from now on
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize