you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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