Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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