I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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