I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
