me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
