Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
