its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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