I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize