He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
