he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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