I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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