Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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