So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
