I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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