And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
