I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
