you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
