She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
