Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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