I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The Olympian is in my bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
