I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
