I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
