My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
