dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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