I'm gonna have a badass scar
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
