can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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