And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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