Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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