Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
