Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
