those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
