Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
