Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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