the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
