there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
