I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
