Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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