Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
