By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
