batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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