she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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