Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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