Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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