Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize