My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
