guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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