Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
