just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
