about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
