i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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