You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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