Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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