OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
