I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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