Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
