Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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