Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
