it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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