I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mom said you looked used
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
