i think my mom watched the whole time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
