I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want her autograph on my taint
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
